Goals

I would like to talk a bit about my reasons for being where I am right now. Well, my reason. I didn't come here to experience a new culture, although I love that it's included; I'm already spoiled here with the food and the siesta. For those of you who aren't aware of this idea, let me explain:

Mondays-Saturdays, from around 2:30 pm - 5:00 pm, everything closes down. Shops, grocery stores, banks, cafeterias, offices....you cannot get anything done in this time period. This is when you go home, and you take a nap.

Well, at least that's what I do. Oh, and on Sundays, it's like this all day.

Second, I did not come here to "find myself". I honestly feel like I know myself well enough, at least as much as one can at this age, and that I've done enough soul-searching in the states. What's more: You cannot run away from yourself and your problems. I understood before I left that any problems, doubts, self-consciousness or insecurity would not magically dissipate upon arriving in a romantic European location; this is the stuff of badly written dime-novels that your mom used to read.

If you ever think that moving to Europe or New York or some far away fairy land will complete you and your life and put everything in it's right place, wake up.

While meeting new people from different places and experiencing Spanish culture is a huge part of my life here, they are all superseded by one, central goal:

To understand and speak Spanish.

I'm not even sure if I can explain why this is so important to me, all I can say is that it has moved beyond some curiosity to acquire another language, and into an incessant itch, a deep-seated need to be able to fully express myself in another tongue. And, though Spanish may be at the top of the list, it is not alone.

Fluency is not something that is easily attained. Some people minor in Spanish, and after taking a conversational class or two, proclaim "Yeah...I know Spanish." This aggravates me to no end. It is a fairly easy language to learn, coming from an English background. The phonetic layout makes pronunciation incredibly simple. There are a lot of cognates, tons. But the fact that people already claim to "know" or "speak" a language solely from taking a few college courses demeans the whole reason why I am here.

Being a little more closed off from the rest of the world, many Americans don't understand this. Let me explain: I meet people every day that speak three or more languages (and I do mean "speak", not "have a vague idea of how to form a sentence"), and it's not even a thing. It is much easier, being from Europe; you can take a $40 plane ride and be surrounded by German, French, English, Arabic, what have you. In the states we often attempt to learn a language to better our chances for a job. In Europe, they learn languages as a freaking hobby.

And of course, everyone here speaks at least some minimal English, so I can't even feel special in that regard.

What I'm saying is this: I'm getting my ass kicked over here trying to pick this language up. The mixture of the extremely thick accent, different vocabulary, and general slang have made obsolete my years of practice. When I walk out of a class, not having understood one full complete sentence, and a native tells me "Man, this class could be difficult", I realize how far I have to go and how little time to do it in.

And I love it. Even though I feel exhausted sometimes, I already can see an amazing amount of progress, and I'm ecstatic for what another 10-11 months will bring.

Don't think for even one second, that because you have taken 12 years of language classes, that you can even order a coffee without some confusion. If you want to learn a language, awesome, but: do it right. Travel and immerse yourself. Work on your accent. Don't think in your mother tongue and translate in your head. If you don't at least try these things, it won't be worth jack in the real world.

It is hard work, it is mentally and sometimes physically taxing, and some days you would kill to be able to express yourself fully without having to warm up your Spanish like a damn diesel engine; but above all, it is one of the most rewarding things you could ever experience when you finally have a real-life interaction, be it an hour long conversation, or an "excuse me" on the bus, without even consulting your mother-tongue.

This is why I am here. More to come later.